1.29.21 8:28 am

Ollie,
You were supposed to be here. Supposed to be in my arms whaling your head off with me furiously trying to calm you. Sleep deprived and all. the same goes for your daddy. there is the greatest emptiness I have ever known in my heart and embodied in our home. babies are noisy and the absence of one is deafening. it is the ever present reminder that death has come to our family and home. the worst kind of death. a child death.

How I want us both to rise from this. although I guess you already have. I want us to do greatness together. A greatness that is worthy of your awe-inspiring soul. I long to know you as completely as I know Henry but that may never be possible. Perhaps knowing is on a soul level rather than whether you are quirky and exuberant like Henry. I pray we become more connected with time rather than less. That is my greatest fear. That I and everyone else will forget you. That you will be unknown. I must make you known. Help me to make you known. Keep showing up for your old mother (apparently 34 is a geriatric mother in the land of pregnancy).